This year I decided not to use my vacation time to plan my
next writing project, how to market my new book, how I was going to manage my
new schedule, stuff for Spring Ministries, and how I was going to continue
doing what I do, except better, be wiser, more efficient, more disciplined, be
this, be that, blah, blah, blah.
I had one thing on my agenda. I was going to just BE.…with
God.
And read. Okay, that’s two things. I love to park in my
beach chair, under the beach umbrella, feet buried in the sand and get lost in
my books.
I’ve been reading Francine Rivers’ trilogy which is set back in around 60 AD. She’s a wonderful writer and truly draws you into the era, her characters and stories. I haven’t been able to put it down. Then there’s the “The Walk” series by Richard Paul Evans. I buy and save each series as they are published just for my vacation.
There’s a third book I bought after hearing a few women
talking so much about it. I had to see what all the rage was. “Made to Crave”
by Lysa TerKeurst. I was vaguely familiar with her. I knew she was president of
Proverbs 31 Ministries and a writer, but hadn’t read any of her stuff, until
this past week.
There under my umbrella, feet in the sand, donning my
straw hat and sunglasses, God used that book to break apart a lifelong struggle
I’ve had that I’ve been too ashamed to admit. Never in my wildest thoughts and
dreams did I think God could be such a gentleman in how He has unsettled me (in
a fabulous way) in relation to my constant struggle with food.
Do you relate?
As I read Lysa’s personal journey in regards to her
relationship with food and discovering what it is she really craves, I felt
like I’ve known her all my life. It was like she was talking about me!
I relate 100%.
I don’t struggle with alcohol, drugs, anger (very much)
or even co-dependency that much anymore, but I do struggle, c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y
with my weight, losing weight, maintaining my weight, with wanting the whole
bag of chips instead of one serving. I can’t stop once I get started, even if
it’s so-called healthy. My first memory of sneaking a bowl of ice cream was
when I was about 8 or 9. Seriously. Why did I have to sneak it? Why did I want
it?
I know, I know, some of you who know me are saying, “she’s
always so healthy”. You’re thinking of how you’ve always known me to exercise
and take care of myself. I did do all the right things AND all the wrong
things. Mainly when I was emotional. For 19 years I was a single parent. I used
food for comfort, to ease the stress, pain, s-t-u-f-f my emotions. I really do
believe you can be addicted to the processed junk we eat, sugar and empty
carbs.
Why do they taste so good? What is it about all that
junk? Why do I crave the bad stuff….along with the good stuff? What am I trying to satisfy? What do I really
crave that food doesn’t fill? And why would I feel so empty after being so
stuffed with food? Obviously, I’m not anorexic and I’m not bulimic. No one
knows this until now…even my closest friends and family. My mind is constantly consumed
with this issue. Hating it! And I'm just scratching the surface.
You may be reading this thinking, what’s the big deal?
Eat what you want. Enjoy. So what if you carry around 30 extra pounds. These extra
pounds put added pressure on my degenerating back and already two hip
replacements I’ve had. No one but me knows the struggle and you, too, if you
can relate to what I’m saying. You may be carrying around 100 extra pounds, 20,
50. Does it really matter if what you crave isn't filled and satisfied?
Yes, God truly satisfies me. He’s had my heart for over
30 years. But this is an area I’ve never given up to Him. I never
admitted it. If I never admitted it, it didn’t exist and no one would know. DENIAL.
Really? My tight clothes, loose clothes and tight again, my weight bouncing up
and down the scales tell on me. Everytime. So who am I kidding?
I've had it with all the diets and eat this, don't eat that books and magazines written by doctors and people who don't struggle with serious food issues. It's like telling an alcoholic or drug addict, don't drink or do drugs. Just don't do it. The thing with food is you have to eat to live. In Lysa's book she says instead of living to eat, she can now eat to live. She shares her struggles and how God brought her to victory, one choice at a time. She talks about how it's a lifelong journey and not a diet or something you do until you reach your goal and then stop.
Now that I’ve told on myself and it’s out here for all
who know me to read, this is where my personal journey begins with my own
issues with food. I’m sharing this because I know women, single moms,
teenagers, twenty-agers and all the way up to fifty-agers like me, struggle
with their body image, food issues and on and on and on. So, please if you are
reading this and nodding your head, feeling God’s tug on your heart, get the
book, “Made to Crave”. Read it with me. I dare you.
Lysa, TerKeurst, thank you for sharing your story and
being so transparent!
The Lord has just begun to chip away at this, so it isn’t
the last you’ll hear about this issue.
In His grip,
Terri
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