Day 4 - Chapter 3

I shouldn't have done it, but I did. I told myself I wasn't going to and I did it anyway. I got on the scales this morning and they told me the same thing as last Friday. For me, I'm trying to take my focus off of the numbers and this isn't the way to do that.

Aaaanyway. Is it just me or is everything that Lysa writes about I completely relate to? Do y'all?

In Chapter 3 she talks about developing our food plans. This morning I felt it was time to pick up the 4-page plan I mentioned the other day that the Lord told me to lay aside temporarily. I need to make some permanent changes. I know I can't develop my food plan in one or two days. It's going to take more research and prayer than what I've put in. Question 4 at the end of Chapter 3 states that it may take research, experimentation and consultation (with your doctor).

I'm a research type of girl. Especially when it's something I'm passionate about. I've already done gobs of research concerning food and diets for people with hypothyroidism and arthritis. I have both. By age 50 I had no cartilage in my hips and had to have hip replacements. For years I've struggled with chronic low-back pain and it's getting worse. I also have hypothyroidism. My hip doctor told me that some people have more cartilage than others. Really? I do respect him, but I don't always take what doctors tell me at face value and hop off their exam table and say, "Oh, okay, if you say so, then I guess it's so. Is there a pill for that?"

There are countless doctors and nutritionists researching and writing articles and books about the connection between processed, pre-packaged foods loaded with chemicals, preservatives and other unmentionables and auto-immune diseases, like arthritis and thyroid disease. They say these foods cause inflammation inside our bodies causing our bodies to attack joint tissue, aka, cartilage. I've also read that when people with hypothyroidism eliminate the "big five" (gluten, corn, soy, dairy, eggs) they see big changes.

I experimented. I eliminated gluten and processed foods as much as possible. I felt better. Then I started feeling worse, like my thyroid was out of whack. When I started thyroid meds in 1995, my dosage was .125 mcg, then went up to .137 mcg. I felt so bad I went to my MD, they tested me and had to lower it to .112mcg. First time ever since 1995. When I asked her could it have something to do with eating more gluten-free and eliminating processed, pre-packaged foods along with losing a few pounds, she told me that changing my diet or eating certain foods or eliminating foods wouldn't really impact my thyroid. Really? Well, something did. So now I'm determined to take this experiment a little more seriously.

Today, I choose to once again, ask Jesus to help me develop my personal food plan. I need His help because I really do believe that He cares what I eat and put into my body every day.

On a mission,
Terri

Day 3-Chapter 2

Hi comrades. So how's it going so far?

Do y'all remember the other day when I shared about how I fell into defeat that night we had the leadership meeting and bonfire at our house? Along with the cookies, brownies and banana pudding, a big 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke was left in my kitchen. My resolve to never drink that stuff again had turned into my "just occasionally" rationalization.

The next day, which was last Sunday, that afternoon, the 2-liter bottle started calling my name. The caffeine, and yes, the taste, although some people would spew it out saying it's awful, was tempting me. You know, my white cloud of promises that turns into the green monster. I'd remembered reading in Lysa's book how I'm made for more. Her email today talks about being made for more. Chapter 2 talks about tackling our tower of impossibilities (cravings) one brick at a time.

This was the first time I'd ever spoken to Diet Coke, but I stared at it and said, "I am made for more than your poison and my body is worth more than what you offer me." Since that moment, seriously, and I'm not kidding, the temptation was gone. That 2-liter bottle went bye-bye as my husband either poured it out or gave it to someone else.

Yesterday I tried to focus on listening to my cravings and distinguishing between them. Today I'm going to try to focus on just me and my issue, rather than judging and thinking others around me who eat unhealthy foods need to join me on this journey. I've allowed sinful, destructive thoughts about what others need to do to take my focus off my own problem and be consumed by theirs. There, I said it.

One more thing from Chapter 2 that's pivotal is when those cravings come banging on our doors, to use them as a prompt to pray. The more intense the craving, the more intense the prayer. Are y'all with me? Let's pray for each other when those cravings come too. Don't we know how much more power prayer holds than any craving we can have?

I really do want to see y'all face to face at some point. What are your thoughts?

Your fellow FIG comrade,
Terri

DAY 2-Chapt. 1

Hi Y'all. I hope you've all been able to get the "Made to Crave" book and signed up for the 21-Day Challenge emails. If you haven't signed up for the emails, just go to www.madetocrave.org. Then click on 21-day challenge.

Yesterday I just began with the introduction of the book. I mentioned how the 21-days of emails were the same number of chapters in the book, including the introduction and then the end which has lots of great go-to quotes and scriptures. I thought I'd just post everyday with the number of the day and corresponding chapter I'm reading.

I think I finally fixed the comments where you can just click on "comment" at the end of each post and share what's going on with you through this journey. Plus I'm anxious to hear back from everyone. And like I said before, I'd love to meet up at some point with y'all face-to-face.

I just answered the questions at the end of Chapter 1. If you can in the comments, share what your "craving monster" looks like. Here's mine: 

• A big, white comfy, cozy, feel-good cloud with a big index finger luring me in, promising all kinds of satisfaction and fulfillment. Then after I succumb, it transforms into a big green, taunting monster heaping guilt and regret on me.

Distinguishing between the 2 different types of cravings might be the very thing that unsticks me from this crossroads I've been in. Taking the time to listen is the one thing I'm going to choose today.

About the food plan: last week as I was writing out my food plan, what I was going to eliminate, allow, deny, sacrifice, resist, etc., I felt the Lord nudge me to lay it aside. This is where I've failed before. Yes, you need a plan, but be careful not to create a 4-page plan like I did that would've left me feeling defeated, frustrated and irritable. We're all different and need different foods and eating plans.

Prayerfully consider and ask the Lord how He wants your food plan to look. Remember, this isn't about the number on the scales and the size of our clothes, but something much deeper that is a journey with Jesus where there will be no turning back. I'm exxxciiiited!

Your fellow Jesus follower,
Terri

DAY ONE-Finding Our Want To

I’m serious. This time I’m really serious.

Low-carb, no-carb, Weight Watchers, myfitnesspal.com, South Beach, Adkins, low-fat, sugar-free, hundreds of articles on what to eat, what not to eat for your body type, blood type, thyroid issues, arthritis, fatigue, menopause, lupus and on and on it goes. I’ve tried ALL of them. I’ve researched countless great articles and bought books on the subject of health and weight loss. I’m armed with all the KNOW HOW. All the know how doesn’t help me if I don’t have the WANT TO. It doesn’t help me when all my life I’ve struggled with food addiction.

In Lysa TerKeurst’s, “Made to Crave,” she talks about finding our “Want To” in the Introduction. Finding my want to is NOT about will power or denying myself of all the things I want to eat. I want to really want to. Want to what?

For the first time ever in 54 years, I’m asking Jesus to come into this area of my life and do the kind of transforming that I know only He can do. Having food issues seems trivial in light of all the issues going on in our country and the world. I felt a little silly this morning when I approached the Lord about this. He assured me that He still wants to deal with this issue with me. The truth is, for me, it’s much deeper than having a weight problem. I don’t have a weight problem. I’m overweight, yes. But it’s a result of a deeper problem and why I’m starting this journey with the Lord this time.

I’m so thankful for all of you who may be reading this right now and have decided to join in. I’m very grateful for my FIG girls and the accountability I’m finding with you. Hopefully you’ve had time to sign up for Lysa’s 21-day challenge emails and have her book, “Made to Crave.”

It’s really cool how her book has 19 chapters and there are 21 emails coming to our inbox every day. Starting with the Introduction of her book, plus 19 chapters, then the end that has lots of great go-to scripts and versus, that’s 21. So I’m going to be reading both, each day, one day at a time.

What am I expecting to gain from the next 21 days? I have no clue. Some new friends for sure. I have no expectations really. For once I’m not obsessing over what the scales will tell me 21 days from now. I’m not waiting to hang up these bigger jeans I’m wearing right now for the last time. I do know when you begin a new journey with Jesus that it can get exciting and life changing. That’s what I’m hoping for. Hoping to go deeper with Him and become more physically armed to serve Him in the capacity He’s planned for me.

Today I’m reading the first email titled, “Chocolate is my Comfort and Deliverer,” and the Introduction of the book.

 

Y'all have an awesome day! Until tomorrow...

 

Terri

Ready, Set.....

Hey y’all. I’m excited about beginning this journey with you. We all have until Thursday to get our book, “Made to Crave.” I was told you can get it on Amazon for under $10. They also sell it at Lifeway. Then no later than Wednesday go to this link http://madetocrave.org/21-day-challenge/ where you can sign up for the emails for our 21-day challenge.
 You won’t be given a particular diet, regimen or list of what to eat and not to eat. We all have different physical needs, so our food plans won’t be the same. I’m starting to write mine out today. We can share ideas, recipes, etc., with each other. You probably already know what needs to be cut out and what you need to do physically, etc., etc. If you’re like me, and struggle with food addiction, just simply deciding you’re going to do the right thing doesn’t work. Right? I change my mind all the time. J
If some of you want to meet at certain times we can do that. Several of you have mentioned that you have the DVD that goes along with the book and 21-day challenge.

I’ve been trying to work on this blog page so y’all can leave comments and we can all communicate with each other. Please let me know if you’re unable to leave a comment. I'm still tweeking.

Saturday night we had a leadership meeting/bonfire at our house. It was a great time. Everything was wonderful. Sunday morning as I wrote in my journal, I felt like God was telling me I needed to share it with you. You know, the being transparent thing and all. So here goes.

“I failed terribly yesterday. Out of control. I’m like an alcoholic in a liquor store. The bonfire fellowship was a success though. I ate two hotdogs (no buns), Fritos with chili on them (twice), slaw (twice), a whopping serving of banana pudding, 5 cookies and 2 brownies. All that after 6pm. That doesn’t count breakfast and lunch. I have the “want-to” – or do I? Yes. I do. So why can’t I keep my mind and hands off all that junk when it’s just feet away from me? It’s soooo bad for me – in every way. Lord, I want to crave You more than anything. I lose all this motivation and want-to before dinnertime. Heck, by lunch time.

Yesterday morning I’d decided I wasn’t going to eat any cookies. By 4pm I’d had 2. Then 3 more later—plus 2 brownies AND banana pudding. Just cuz it was there. My sensibility got lost somewhere in all the fun and fellowship and once again, I told myself – it’s just this once  – then I’m done for good. Well, how many times have I said that over the years – 30 pounds ago?

The upside is this: Step #1 – I’m admitting I’m powerless over my food addiction and compulsive behavior, that it’s unmanageable. Romans 7:18 ‘I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature, for I desire to do what is good, but can’t carry it out, Romans 7:18.’ The Holy Spirit lives in me so I’m turning to You, inviting You to give me the power I need to no longer live in defeat, but live in Your victory in this area of my life.”

That’s it y’all. Email me at terrijwebster@gmail.com if you have questions or a problem leaving a comment. One of our fellow comrades shared this article with me today. PLEASE take the time to read it. It's awesome! http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11431/how-i-regained-my-power-over-food.html

In His grip,

Terri

When You Turn Out the Light

During the early months of my single mom journey, turning the light out at night was difficult. I had two youngsters in the other bedrooms to protect. I had to protect myself. There was no man in the house to make me feel safe and secure. I was it. Head honcho. I was a knee-knocking, fear-filled 27-year old single mom in charge of our safety.

I haven’t told many people this, but those first months and probably the entire first year, I slept with a knife hidden under my mattress.  A big one.

I remember putting a chair at each door, tilted just under the doorknob to keep out predators. LOL, right!

We had a big dog. Sheba was a Doberman. She slept outside in her cozy doghouse in our fenced-in yard, or so I thought. One night she erupted into an attack bark right under my bedroom window. Her barking was followed by the sound of her jumping up and running to the edge of the yard. It was probably just an opossum or some other night creature. That’s what I’d tell myself. I didn’t know she’d been sleeping under my window until this barking episode. But night after night, there she was, right under my window.  I was very thankful for Sheba back then.

Eventually I put the knife back in the kitchen where it belonged and didn’t have Sheba anymore. Over time, I realized I had a Protector that was much bigger and stronger than any physical weapon I had back then. Every night when the light went out I prayed for God’s protection, for Him to surround our home with his guardian angels and the blood of Jesus. Every single night.

Protection isn’t the only thing a single mom thinks about when she turns out her light at night. It’s being alone. There you are in the dark alone with your thoughts. For me thoughts of him with her invaded my mind. Fearful thoughts of our future and the unknown. Random thoughts that made no sense. Eventually I made a conscious decision to turn off those thoughts along with the lights and dwell on the Lord’s presence there in the dark with me.

The wonderful thing is we can control our thoughts. It’s hard at first, but when you are intentional about it, it’s like quitting a bad habit or starting a new good one.

No one but the Lord knows where your heart and mind are when you turn out the light at night. You think you’re alone. You feel alone, but the truth is far from it. He is there, ever present. When you purposely turn your thoughts towards Him, and practice keeping them there, something incredible happens. You start to enjoy turning out the light after everyone is asleep and all is quiet. You can then focus on the One who loves you more than His own life.

From now on when you turn out that light at night, don’t think of you being all by yourself and alone. Give Jesus a chance to use that time to make His presence known. Think about Him. He’s thinking about you.  And when you fall asleep, He’s still thinking about you. When you wake up, He’s still there, thinking about you.

In His grip,

Terri

What I Crave

I just spent the last week defragging my brain on my favorite beach with my husband. We call it our annual pilgrimage to St. George Island, Florida. Nothing fancy, just seven days of laid-back nothingness.

This year I decided not to use my vacation time to plan my next writing project, how to market my new book, how I was going to manage my new schedule, stuff for Spring Ministries, and how I was going to continue doing what I do, except better, be wiser, more efficient, more disciplined, be this, be that, blah, blah, blah.                     

I had one thing on my agenda. I was going to just BE.…with God.

And read. Okay, that’s two things. I love to park in my beach chair, under the beach umbrella, feet buried in the sand and get lost in my books.

I’ve been reading Francine Rivers’ trilogy which is set back in around 60 AD. She’s a wonderful writer and truly draws you into the era, her characters and stories. I haven’t been able to put it down. Then there’s the “The Walk” series by Richard Paul Evans. I buy and save each series as they are published just for my vacation.

There’s a third book I bought after hearing a few women talking so much about it. I had to see what all the rage was. “Made to Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst. I was vaguely familiar with her. I knew she was president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and a writer, but hadn’t read any of her stuff, until this past week.

There under my umbrella, feet in the sand, donning my straw hat and sunglasses, God used that book to break apart a lifelong struggle I’ve had that I’ve been too ashamed to admit. Never in my wildest thoughts and dreams did I think God could be such a gentleman in how He has unsettled me (in a fabulous way) in relation to my constant struggle with food.

Do you relate?

As I read Lysa’s personal journey in regards to her relationship with food and discovering what it is she really craves, I felt like I’ve known her all my life. It was like she was talking about me!

I relate 100%.

I don’t struggle with alcohol, drugs, anger (very much) or even co-dependency that much anymore, but I do struggle, c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y with my weight, losing weight, maintaining my weight, with wanting the whole bag of chips instead of one serving. I can’t stop once I get started, even if it’s so-called healthy. My first memory of sneaking a bowl of ice cream was when I was about 8 or 9. Seriously. Why did I have to sneak it? Why did I want it?

 

I know, I know, some of you who know me are saying, “she’s always so healthy”. You’re thinking of how you’ve always known me to exercise and take care of myself. I did do all the right things AND all the wrong things. Mainly when I was emotional. For 19 years I was a single parent. I used food for comfort, to ease the stress, pain, s-t-u-f-f my emotions. I really do believe you can be addicted to the processed junk we eat, sugar and empty carbs.

Why do they taste so good? What is it about all that junk? Why do I crave the bad stuff….along with the good stuff?  What am I trying to satisfy? What do I really crave that food doesn’t fill? And why would I feel so empty after being so stuffed with food? Obviously, I’m not anorexic and I’m not bulimic. No one knows this until now…even my closest friends and family. My mind is constantly consumed with this issue. Hating it! And I'm just scratching the surface.

You may be reading this thinking, what’s the big deal? Eat what you want. Enjoy. So what if you carry around 30 extra pounds. These extra pounds put added pressure on my degenerating back and already two hip replacements I’ve had. No one but me knows the struggle and you, too, if you can relate to what I’m saying. You may be carrying around 100 extra pounds, 20, 50. Does it really matter if what you crave isn't filled and satisfied?

Yes, God truly satisfies me. He’s had my heart for over 30 years. But this is an area I’ve never given up to Him. I never admitted it. If I never admitted it, it didn’t exist and no one would know. DENIAL. Really? My tight clothes, loose clothes and tight again, my weight bouncing up and down the scales tell on me. Everytime. So who am I kidding?

 

I've had it with all the diets and eat this, don't eat that books and magazines written by doctors and people who don't struggle with serious food issues. It's like telling an alcoholic or drug addict, don't drink or do drugs. Just don't do it. The thing with food is you have to eat to live. In Lysa's book she says instead of living to eat, she can now eat to live. She shares her struggles and how God brought her to victory, one choice at a time. She talks about how it's a lifelong journey and not a diet or something you do until you reach your goal and then stop.

Now that I’ve told on myself and it’s out here for all who know me to read, this is where my personal journey begins with my own issues with food. I’m sharing this because I know women, single moms, teenagers, twenty-agers and all the way up to fifty-agers like me, struggle with their body image, food issues and on and on and on. So, please if you are reading this and nodding your head, feeling God’s tug on your heart, get the book, “Made to Crave”. Read it with me. I dare you.

Lysa, TerKeurst, thank you for sharing your story and being so transparent!

The Lord has just begun to chip away at this, so it isn’t the last you’ll hear about this issue.

In His grip,

Terri